August 15, 2011

Everything Changes

August 15, 2011

Change is not something I deal very well with.  I thoroughly enjoy a schedule and a well thought out plan.  I plan my days each day – if not on paper in my head.  My children are on a schedule, I’m on a schedule, it just works better for us that way.  My husband will tell you – if I have a plan laid out in my head for the day and my day gets altered, I normally do not react well!  I am trying to do better, trying to be more laid back and relaxed, but it is definitely baby step.  So I guess this probably has something to do with the overwhelming anxiety that has been bubbling up inside of me for the past two weeks.

Colton starts K3 on Wednesday and I have honestly been so excited for him.  Two weeks ago I was in a terrible rutt… just terrible.  I felt absolutely overwhelmed – it was an unfamiliar feeling for me and to be honest I had no idea on how to deal with it.  Chris kept telling me that I was concerned about Colton starting school and I suppose he is probably right.

When the conversation comes up I feel like people think I am crazy or stupid for having reservations or anxiety over this.  No one has said anything like that, but for some reason I am worried about what others think!  I have been telling myself that it a ridiculous concern and I just need to move on.  Some people have said, “oh you will enjoy the break” or “oh it will be nice for him to be away for a while”.  But when you have been with a child every single day for the past 3 years, it is an unsettling feeling to think that they are going to be away from you every single day (even if it is just for a few hours) in the drop of a hat.  I would honestly feel better if the program was only 3 days a week, but it isn’t so I just have to move on.  I keep telling myself, “hey!  Its preschool… if he misses a day here and there to hang out with his mom and sister, well then no big deal!”

So we have uniforms washed and ironed, school supplies purchased, tuition paid, he has met his teacher and seen his classroom (twice now) so I really think that Wednesday is going to go smooth!  Now… Thursday may be a different story, but we will wait and see!  Now, if that darn backpack and lunchbox would just get here!  Yep, I procrastinated!


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