September 4, 2011

Easy Target

September 4, 2011

Why is it when were in a bad mood of some sort and we really want to fly off the handle (so to speak) we usually end up spouting off at the ones we love the most?  This just came to me the other night after a stupid (for lack of a better word) tiff I had with my husband.  After all was said and done I went to take a shower and was able to cool off and come to my senses.  Then I realized that what we were fussing about had nothing to do with him – it was me!  My problem was with me and he was just the easy target!

Here is the problem – I internally have low self esteem.  I never really thought this of myself and I find it a very unattractive quality (see… here I go again!).  Since I have had children I have found myself more and more looking to others for positive affirmation.  I am constantly looking for external confirmation that I am a good mom, a good person, nice looking, yadda yadda – you get the point!?  Yep, my love language is definitely Words of Affirmation and just the fact that that is my love language erks me to no end.  Why couldn’t my love language be receiving gifts!… haha!

I am constantly reminding myself to only look toward the Lord for personal affirmation.  I know the Lord alone can and will supply all my needs – those physically as well as emotionally.  The question still remains though why do I continue to look toward the world for affirmation?  And why do I take my frustrations out on my loving husband?  Is it because he is indeed such an easy target and I know that he is going to love me anyway?

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