September 24, 2012

Stage 5 Clinger

September 24, 2012

We use to joke all the time about Colton being a stage five clinger.  I never left him – not over night, not in the church nursery, not in moms day out, not a daycare, and very rarely did I even leave him to run errands.  If I had somewhere I needed to go I scheduled it around his nap time and took him with me.  Thus, creating a stage five clinger.  I have several excuses for this – the first excuse and the one that made the most sense at the time was that I breastfed and it was much easier to take him along and feed him rather than to pump and store and mess with bottle.  What it really boils down to though is I was and still am, as attached to him as he was to me.  When I am away from either of my children I miss them terribly!  I miss them with a ache.  Well this is no different with my husband.

Readers, I am here today to confess that I am a stage five clinger!   Yep, you heard me correctly!  I love my husband, I love being around him, I enjoy his company.  Prior to children we did everything together including grocery shopping.  Now with two children under our roof and a third soon on the way we still do most things together.  I have been ask several times to plan a “girls trip” or a “girls night out”… to be honest I have NO desire to go on an all girls trip.  If I am going on a trip or even out to dinner for the night (kid free), I want to enjoy that time with Chris.

Several times I have mentioned that we call him our “super hero”.  Colton came up with it one day and since then it has just stuck.  Here is the thing – I’m not joking when I say it… he is my superhero… there are times when I feel like he rescued me.  It is hard to put it into words so right now I will not even try.

Okay… so back to my point.  I am attached.  I am a stage five clinger.  The very thought of my husband going away puts me in a terrible mood.  Terrible I tell you!  Like, you probably do not want to be around me at that moment! 

This weekend I think I sort of figured it all out though.  When he tells me he has to go away for something (a business trip or whatever it might be) I immediately  become mad and aggravated.  I realized though that this is my defense mechanism.  After settling myself down this weekend and trying to get away from the situation for a moment the panic started to set in.  This happens a lot… I usually compensate by continuing to be mad and aggravated, but I told myself I was not going to do that this weekend and ruin our entire day.  So yeah, there came the panic, sheer panic.  I found myself sobbing breathlessly.  Sorry if this sounds totally absurd… maybe its my hormones, who knows!  Anyway,  I worked myself up into what felt like an anxiety attack.  What on earth was going on!?  Where was this coming from!?  I tried to quickly call upon the Lord, repeating to myself “be anxious for nothing, but in everything prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known and the peace of God which passes all understanding will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus”.  Soon I was able to pull myself together and go on with my day.  With the Lords help I managed to just not think about it for the rest of the day.

Well, lo and behold a new day.  The next morning I felt the anxiety creeping in again.  It lasted throughout the entire day.  Sitting through church was even difficult.  Between service I went and got myself something to drink thinking it was my sugar level making me feel all weird.  The rest of the day I kept myself busy around the house trying to avoid thinking about it.  Well folks, here I am again today with anxiety overwhelming my inner being.  So now I am just telling myself, this is what it must feel like to be a stage five clinger!

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