October 22, 2012

I need Him

October 22, 2012

Do you ever feel so stressed and emotional and then you cannot even pinpoint what exactly it is making you feel this way!?  I do not know what is more frustrating, feeling this way or not knowing why I feel this way.  I realize that the majority of it is pregnancy hormones, but geeze can I get a break already?

For the past week I have felt a little more emotional, not to the point of tears, but I can feel my heart strings being tugged.  The realization that I am going to be snuggling a new one soon has had me in a happy emotional state.  I am looking forward to smelling him, nursing him, holding him.  The sleepless nights do not even have me concerned.  Of course, I have the normal concerns of a safe and healthy delivery, but nothing that has had me bent out of shape.

Two days ago I woke up with symptoms that felt like a clogged milk duct.  Super tender and sore in one area.  How on earth can this happen when I am still pregnant!?  So like any person would do I get on the internet and start reading up.    I have heard it said before “do not go to webmd because not matter what is wrong with you this will make you feel worse!  So yeah, searching the internet was probably a mistake.

Apparently though it is possible to have a clogged milk duct and mastitis while pregnant.  I do not know if any of you have experienced Mastitis, but it is HORRIBLE!  It is like having the flu!  So my mind automatically turns to the worse case scenario.  That this tender spot is going to turn into mastitis – I am going to have to go on super strong antibiotics (NOT A FAN!) and then have complications with nursing my newborn!  Not something you want to deal with when trying to establish breastfeeding.  So now here I am this morning with myself completely worked up into a tizzy!

On top of that I am trying to get my home in order… something that for the past few months I have completely FAILED to do.  I am almost ready to concede that I need help.  As much as I think I may need help I am letting my pride get in the way!  How ridiculous is it that I would rather pay someone to come over and help me rather than ask my mom or my mother in law for help?  Am I the only one out there that struggles with this.

My poor husband, he receives the brunt end of all my issues!  I hate to feel like I am complaining to him all the time, but I think maybe I am.  I certainly do not want to hear someone else complaining all the time so I know he does not want to hear my negative, negative, negative.  He is so gracious though… doing whatever I ask, whatever he can to make me feel better.  Offering suggestions, help, and solutions.  Never complaining about my complaining… ahhh I love him!

We had a great church service yesterday where my pastor hit on many good points.  He talked a lot about carrying your “grace” with you… he also said something that I am repeating to myself today:

I needed Him yesterday, I need Him today, and I will need Him tomorrow!

Thankfully He is always with me!


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