August 18, 2016

Emotionally Wrecked

August 18, 2016
I started this two days ago and I am just now getting back to it... 

I am emotionally wrecked.  You know, when you cannot eat because the nausea has overtaken you.  You know what the silliest part of it all is?  Its over a book!  A piece of fiction nonetheless.  Prior to this year I rarely picked up a piece of fiction.  I told myself I didn't have time to read anything that was not in the "self help" category.  You know those books - how to be a better wife, how to a better mom, parenting 101, the list goes on and on and on.

Someone told me I needed a little fiction in my life and I thought "why not"!?  A friend lent me "Maybe Someday" by Colleen Hoover and I became an instant fan.  The emotional roller coaster that was this book caught me off guard.  There were moments within the book where I actually laughed out loud falling in love with Ridge was as natural as breathing.  From there I made my way through most of her novels and after my latest read I have been reflecting on the "heros" of her books.

  • Maybe Someday - Ridge is lovely and perfect.
  • Maybe Not - full of light and fluff with the warm heart that is Warren.
  • Hopeless followed by his point of view in  Hope
    • ... after these two I had to take a breather.  They were deep.  Gut wrenching.  Totally side-swiped by this book.  Colleen Hoover deals with some deep, dark, real life issues in this book as she does most of her novels.  The "hero" (totally an understatement) Holder - thoughtful, loyal, and honest.
  • Slammed, Point of Retreat, and This Girl were just want my hopeless romantic self needed.  Here we meet Will and there is no possible way not to love Will.  Simply put - he is amazing.  Kind, generous, talented, responsible, and simply lovable. 
  • Confess - Owen.  Talented and selfless best describe Owen
  • Ugly Love - you cannot imagine my excitement when I heard this was being made into a movie.  Ugly Love is by far my favorite CoHo Novel and Miles Archer leaps off the pages and into your heart - we watch as he is put back together piece by piece with the help of Tate.
  • November 9 - we are introduced to Ben.  While dealing with his own demons and troubled past Ben manages to give Fallon a new resolve to live her life as she was born to live it.  He helped her to love the "outer" her - something that most women struggle with.  For this alone I become an instant fan of Ben

Now we are brought Colleen Hoover's most recent work of art, It Ends With Us.  I knew her book was going to be an emotional roller coaster because they all are.  What I didn't expect is how I feel today and the guilt that I feel behind it.

I started the book early yesterday morning and finished it early this morning.  I cannot count how many times I laughed and chuckled throughout the first third of the book.  The characters are dynamic, each with their own story.  I feel we learn more about the supporting characters in this book than any of her others and for that I am so thankful.  Alyssa has to be one of my favorite supporting characters right in line with Warren from Maybe Someday.  She's quirking, funny, honest, supportive, but my favorite is she is REAL... she is who she is without apology.  All women need an Alyssa by their side.

... and without giving too many spoilers here goes ...

Then there is Ryle.  (I feel sick... really I do... its nuts I know!)

Who doesn't like a hot neurosurgeon???  I fell in love with Ryle.  With the turn of each page I could not wait to see what happened next.  Soon I realized that what happens next may not be what I want to read.

There were a few times when I would have to put the book down, get up, and walk away.  Take a breather.  I felt an inner turmoil.  Why do I allow myself to go to the top of this roller coaster when I know I dread heights so much?

I wanted to jump into the book and hold him and help him.  I wanted to cry with him and I wanted to take away that pain from his dreadful past.
"And as humans, we can't expect to shoulder all of our pain.  Sometimes we have to share it with the people who love us so we don't come crashing down from the weight of the it all.  But I can't help you unless I know you need it.  Ask me for help.  We'll get through this, I know we can."
(Is this crazy???... its a book... a piece of FICTION!!).  Through the wrong that happened I wanted to scream at the pages that it WAS an accident and it WAS a misunderstanding... and it could have been handled differently.  (Again... this is a book Summer Jo!!).

The ending was how it should be.  Not how I wanted, but I understand the healing that happened for not only the characters and the author, but also for many many readers.  I realize that if the book would have went the way I wanted that many women around the world who read it would not be able to find the courage to be Brave & Bold.  I have hesitated to share my love for Ryle's character for this very reason.

It goes without saying that Colleen Hoover grips your heart most of the time with you instantly realizing it.  By the time you do realize what is happening you are so invested in the book that it sometimes becomes impossible to put it down.  Now I'm off to find something Light and Fluffy.  Happy Reading.

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